I don’t think there is anyone else on earth that has more pet peeves than I do…. Let me just unload for a minute about a few. Today is my day for venting….
Numero Uno: I HATE HATE HATE a voicemail.. Seriously….doesn’t everyone know that all cell phones have Caller ID ?.. There is nothing worse than this………
The only people allowed to leave voicemails should be your doctor or dentist to remind you of an appointment. There is just no excuse….
Do not call me and leave a voicemail saying this..”Hey…it’s me…call me when you get this…” Well, Duh…….I mean, I saw your name pop up the first time. I just didn’t want to answer the phone. Seriously….I have my phone on me like all-the-time. I know you called. And, if I didn’t ignore you the first time, I will see a missed call. Get a grip you relentless voicemailers.
Number Two: Along those same lines…another group of communication mishaps….. the dreaded Email FORWARDER…let’s be serious…Is it really that funny?…Did you really LOL at your desk? NO, I think NOT. It is NOT per say, a ‘Good One.”
In case you are email illiterate, you will not be any luckier, prettier, or wealthier if you forward it ten times. You will also not be rejected by God for not forwarding an email (He loves you anyway…) Also, I have seen enough Rednecks and their fashion faux pas at the local Wal-Mart…there is no need for the annual circulation of the startling images. So, to all you lovers of email jokes, National fill-in-the-blank day, and FW: WARNINGS, please refrain from sending FORWARDS to email@example.com. Thanks and have a great day…………..and get back to work!!!!!
NuMbEr 3: Me being a lover of all red condiments and all…………except cocktail sauce, salad dressings, and ……ok well, maybe I just like KETCHUP. And, I’m a ketchup snob. Like for instance, Del Monte is of the absolute best kind. I prefer this over all brands. It is the thickest, richest, best flavor of all brands. I prefer to eliminate Wal-Mart as a provider of all the necessary condiments on the simple premise that they do not sell Del Monte. Thank you to Food Lion and IGA for keeping it real….You are in fact my ‘hometown grocers.”
And here is where I take a further offense to yet another non-informed-ketchup-provider ……….It’s you….I have an issue with you Cookout…….Just because I order a corndog does not mean that your oh-so-perfectly-packaged mustard condiment offering will be perfectly paired with your all-beef/cornbread combo on a stick. I mean really, southern girls like things tangy and sweet, or simply just plain HOT. So you needs to get on board and get some ketchup (or hot sauce-Texas Pete only) in said takeout tray……….
Plus, I feel that your disregard for your perfectly sized dipping container is a waste of product and environmentally hazardous. We all know that Styrofoam does not decompose. You must all agree that these are terrific points.
I will not get off on my Mayonnaise tangent at this time. I will save that for another day when I am extremely ticked at something and need to vent further. However, let it be known that Mayonnaise is not considered a condiment in my book. It is nothing to me except a simple waste of shelf space. Especially at Wal-Mart where they could actually have enough room for at least 3 rows of Del-Monte.
For further review of condiments and their meanings, refer here for the luxury edition of classic condiments paired with NC food by our good friend Shug in Boots.
Ok so now that I'm fully vented.....What are your pet peeves?
Hump day tomorrow! Make it a good one!