The Truth

Now being a Southern lady and all, you hear all kinds of phrases. For so many reasons I cannot even explain, I am tied to the dreaded “I told you so” phrase from my mother (Lord help me when she sees this). Truth be told…she was right most of the time. Furthermore, the ever-so-dreaded, “NEVER say NEVER.”  I have heard these phrases since birth I presume. Family members will throw them out in casual conversation; my eyes rolling (a trait I am known for) as the sting of the words linger in the air. Only later you find they are not so casual when those words bite you and your eye-rolling in the rear end. And….It may take time but what goes around really does come around…especially here. 

Me and Mama ~ Queen of "I told you so..."

My blog description ain’t lyin’ either. Life...it's always "on the rocks" here for somebody...and Roxboro is like its own planet. Embrace living here (if you must), accept that change is well... inevitable, and enjoy LIFE... This is my goal. To enjoy life here, make the most of it, and learn my purpose for coming back to a place for which I am now eating my words. I said I never would, never could, never wanted to. Now look..here I am.

The facts:  I am married to a man I would have never thought I would be married to.  The wonderful miracle God saved just for me (more on that later). We have gone to school together since preschool. Always friends, never dated, then one day it all changed. Now, we are sharing a life together..on the Rox. This planet of in-laws, old high school friends, and new beginnings (for us anyway). 

Here is me and the hubby (Sean)....We are totally looking like ballers on our honeymoon knowing we ain't :)

I also have an amazing job with the best co-workers.  They light up my day every day and I actually look forward to going to work.  More so, the occasional visits from my besties in Raleigh make it all bearable. They are all from here anyway. I am so super jealous of them all for not giving in and getting out of here the second they had a chance. I discovered the brief period of peace and freedom in my three years living in Raleigh. I left the Rox broke, with a three month old, full of hope for a new beginning. Only to find out it ended right back here. Bummer.  I still to this day do not know how I made it in Raleigh. I had a full load of classes for 3 years with a growing infant and I was so exhausted I didn’t even know it. Exhaustion kept me going. If I were to stop or stand still I would collapse and efforts would be wasted. Raleigh was where my seeds were planted at the time. However, my roots still remained here…on the Rox.

In Raleigh I was really growing and I changed A LOT. Being alone is something every person must do in order to be able to evolve in the world. I don’t mean by-your-self…I mean ALONE…really alone. Everyone needs nights of tears and being on the phone with a friend who totally gets it, more heartbreak on top of heartbreak, and to really have to want something and not be able to get it. You need to suffer. Live without things you really desire. Take care of someone else who depends solely on you. See where that takes you.  It forces you to be the real you. You will never be the same. You will grow and blossom despite all the circumstances and the exhaustion. Being alone will not kill you. It does make you grow….it does change you. 

Speaking of growing things…. I am growing even more now that I am back on the Rox. Every day presents a new possibility or some train of thought for a new internal discovery. Some days I think I am actually going CRAZY ..no like really crazy… Other days, I am just floating around soaking up all the crazy from everyone else. Never a dull moment here….

Here is my baby GA (Georgia Anne) ~ she's a real charmer as you can see 

Again, back to growing…  So as any true country girl would do, I am staying true to my roots and actually growing things. Yea y’all for real….like tomatoes, okra, squash, zucchini, cucumbers, peppers, and flowers. I have been a plantin’ fool for the last few weeks. I think I get that honest...from my daddy (he's a forester). The excitement of growing things is just precious. Watching something grow and reaping the benefits is priceless…especially when there is a little person with some big discovery on her face as she learns from you. Also, I have to grow in small increments for now until I reach Hester's Store status one day (we have gots to get out of the city limits...well almost the city limits). For as long as I’ve been alive the women around me grow things, can things, freeze things and stock up for the winter.  Hey, I’m just stockin’ up my southern duty as a woman and showing GA the ropes… but who is really paying attention anyway? 

Here's my other babies ~ I DO talk to my plants.. it helps!

There are so many things that we southern belles are supposed to do. Be proper at church (or as best I can), smile, write thank you notes (although still a few left from the wedding), plant things, grow things, can things, cook for your husband, teach your children everything, say “how’s your mama doing?” and so forth. The truth really is that I love it all. I love being home. I love being near my mama and my daddy. I love being near my Memaw and PawPaw. I LOVE being with my husband. I love that my daughter will get to be with her family as we all raise her with roots and wings. However, I am still NOT sayin’ that I LOVE the Rox